Merry Christmas *

I brought my boyfriend with me last night to my grandma’s house to celebrate Christmas, and the whole family played a raffle game, where you picked a yellow piece of paper, and if it was blank – you’d have lost, and if you had a number on you paper – that’s the amount of money you won. (:

When my aunt came around with the Christmas bag of yellow papers, I prayed really hard that the winning number would skip me and go to Vee, so he’d be happy and feel a little more comfortable with my family (: . I just wanted him to have fun and be a little closer with my family, so I figured I’d rather have nothing and increase his chances of him getting something. (:

When we opened our slips of paper – I won the single $100 prize, and he won one of the four $20 prizes.. so we both won (:

It reminded me of Freshman year, when I ran for SGA office. After all 11 of the candidates gave their speeches, the freshman class was held in the auditorium to cast their votes on a piece of paper. They had to put a check next to 5 names. At the end, the candidates asked eachother who they voted for, and every single one of them started out with ‘myself…’ and then ‘john, camilla, lauren.. (etc)’ and then when it came to me, they were all surprised when I didn’t name myself. I decided to vote for everyone else, because if I was going to win – I didn’t want to think my one selfish vote was what made the difference.

And a couple days later, I was announced as the SGA President of my class (:

It’s little things like that, that let me know a little bit of selflessness isn’t unseen – atleast through God’s eyes.. and that’s enough for me (:

Merry Christmas!

Damn I’m good. But maybe too good.

I’m starting to scare myself – I just realized recently – I’m a really good bullshitter. Sometimes? Stuff comes out of my mouth or appears on paper and I don’t even know where it came from.

There hasn’t been one interview I’ve been to, that I haven’t nailed.. (8) and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m good at selling myself, or because I’m a super good bullshitter. I feed the usual high school story about me being an IB candidate, triathlete, and SGA president on top of juggling a dedicated musician’s career and being involved in community service and work to catch their little sausage fingers that pry at leadership, ambition and dedication – but am I as perfect as I make myself out to be? No way. I’m proud that I pulled through without quitting anything, but – I f’ed up a whole lot.

There hasn’t been a SINGLE paper that I’ve written (even when it was half-assed 30 minutes before) that didn’t get atleast a B.. in fact most of them were A’s. First topics paper of the quarter with Tim (Hippo) Kane? I got one of the two A’s in the class. First paper written for hist125? I got one of the four A’s. Written essay portion of the SAT? 11/12 on the first try, 12/12 for the next two tries. Why? This is definitely because I’m a good bullshitter (and maybe because I listen a little in class ).

You want a detailed oral analysis of Juan Rulfo’s obscure Pedro Paramo, or an explanation of Gustav Klimt’s usage of shapes as a form of expressing gender divisions in The Kiss? Best believe I’ll beautifully deliver an A with a heaping pile of bulllshizzle.

In fact – everything above this sentence may have just been another extraction from my ass.

And THAT, creepy people reading my online diary, is why I am afraid of myself.

You’re a little late

I want to be surprised.

I find that with every year that goes by, my imagination and that of the world around me becomes smaller and more limited. I swear the word has lost just about every ounce of originality left.

I remember when I was a kid, my little cousins and I would make ‘clubhouses’ out of polka-dotted blankets, and my grandmother’s old floral print sheets that we held down with canned foods as weights. We’d pretend that we were hiding in caves of tibet, or we’d sleep in canopies that we hung on the stairs and pretend that we were on ships that were hiding from sea monsters – we even used to get mad at each other if one of us left the clubhouse without a jacket, since it was ‘too cold outside’ to leave without one. We’d do ridiculous things such as dig up giant holes in the backyard thinking we’d find a treasure chest, or sitting in the back of my dad’s volvo and pretending to shoot away velociraptors that were running towards the car, or close our eyes when we flew on the swings cus we thought it’d make us go faster.

Updates?

(: I am ALL smiles today.. hehehe
todayy, I went to class at 6:30 am (I find that I have more energy when I wake up early in the morning vs. 9-10 am) then home to clean, robeks with brother, then hung out with justin for a while, then fudruckers with vee, and back to vee’s house.. OVERALL – today was a nice, easygoing dia w/o drama and too much work (:

The Smart and the Stubborn.

We were supposed to work together as 4 girls towards a common goal, but one of the girls, today, decided to quit – because she was working two jobs, had too much from school to handle, and had to worry about other things such as paying for her living space.

This was similar to a choice I tried making with my boyfriend at the time, during middle school, when we were choosing our classes together. I wanted to do the full IB diploma, and he only wanted to do some of its classes. I remember he said something like “There’s no way that I could do all of it, so I’ll just pick the things that I know I’m good at.” and decided to go for the certificates instead of the entire diploma. I chose the diploma, and struggled, while he took the certificates and made the a-b honor roll.