Blast from the past

My bunny jumped out of his cage and decided to chew up my mouse chord, keyboard chord, cable chord, and some other chords that have yet to be discovered as damaged. So – I decided to hop over to my little brother’s computer, where I fell upon his old buddy list on AIM – and saw the screen name that belonged to a guy I hadn’t talked to in a long long long time.

We both agreed, that we were really enjoying the time to ourselves that we both just recently found after a pretty long, drama-filled wait.

It’s always nice to catch up (: One thing led to another, and we talked for a couple hours before my brother came home and kicked me off.

There’s some people that come and go, some that stick with you all the way through, and some that you just always seem to find your way back to.. I think those are some of the most special ones (:

I keep trying to figure out what I want, testing things out, trying new things, and rekindling old things that once made me happy – and I find myself bored, uninsipired, and full of energy with nothing to put towards.. but at the same time, I feel like theres so many things that I want to do, that I don’t even know where to begin, how to begin, or when to begin..

For the majority of 2007, I was very lost, as more and more things that meant a lot to me, and things that I worked hard for, were torn away from me. In the midst of my losses – I slowly lost myself in wondering what I did wrong, and how life could ever keep playing without the things that mattered most to me. Then, I geared my energy towards making others happy, (since I couldn’t make myself happy) in forgiving people, and loving them – which allowed me to lose myself in the happiness of others.

But screw that.

I’m back to me, you know how I know? Because recently, from the outside looking in – I’m still the girl who drives with all her windows down, speeding down an open high way screaming at the top of her lungs, and singing to michelle branch accompanied by blasting speakers. I’m still the girl who pretends to fly around the house, singing the song-of-the-day to people who are probably more annoyed by their inability to understand the purity of simple, natural bliss, than enjoying my off-key exaggerations of t-pain. I’m still the girl who grabs her sports bra and an ipod and takes it out on the idylwood trail when somethings not right at home. I’m still the girl who talks to every single object in the room as if they were alive, as if life was one big, colorful and climatic musical. I’m still the girl who creeps up behind her little brother EVERY single chance she gets at home to scare him some new and more clever way, whether he’s napping or busy gaming. And I’m still that girl who hopes with all her heart, no matter how many people tell her not to.. because without hope and imagination in the world - colors would fade.

I haven’t seen her in a while (: